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Thread: my wife

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    my wife

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered.
    I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


    ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


    And that's when the fight started...

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And that's when the fight started.....

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
    reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
    drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
    right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    hasn't been sober since."

    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?"

    And then the fight started...

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
    making beer.. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
    scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
    the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
    I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the
    grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started...

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
    boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
    downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
    would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
    now with a different anticipation,
    and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...

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    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started......

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  11. #8
    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
    for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

    for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

    and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

    I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped
    your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

    And then the fight started...

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  12. #9
    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
    to pay me a compliment.'

    I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

    And then the fight started........

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  13. #10
    Biatch Moderator berley's Avatar
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    Hidden Content good one
    gяσωιηg σℓ∂ ιѕ мαη∂αтσяу; gяσωιηg υρ ιѕ σρтισηαℓ.
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    Honesty is better than sugar coated bullsh!t

  14. #11
    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
    as a Christmas gift...

    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started.

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    Thanks in advance its very much appreciated:)

  15. #12
    Moderator thelostone's Avatar
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    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
    as a Christmas gift...

    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started.

    Hidden Content
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    For all your fish keeping needs
    I am glad we could help you with your problem if you need anymore advice just ask,
    Also if you would like to help with the running costs of the site you can always donate here
    Thanks in advance its very much appreciated:)

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