Count me in Gazer, great idea.
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Count me in Gazer, great idea.
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband...
The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghan boy play football.
He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to...
This story has been considerably modified to minimise racial, ethnic, political and religious sensitivities across international boundaries
A Romanian and a Liverpool guy go into a pastry shop. ...
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a ...
An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.
'Thirty euros,' she whispers.
Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only...
First the Apple:
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars,...
Doug Smith is on his deathbed, knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
"So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil,...
Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?'
'I can't tell you,' the black man says.
...
At my last MOT i was given an advisory that one of the rear shocks was leaking on my 2001 Renault Laguna. Have decided on DIY but on researching the work it would seem that the bottom fixing can be a...
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must...
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would...
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty stewardess.
So he...
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go...
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy...
An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher....
A train hits a bus load of Catholic college girls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you...
The German maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, Now Inge, why do you want a pay increase?"
...
She asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly
undressed and we had the...
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled
'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am...
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse...
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Roadshow'.
"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn...
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get...
Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
'7 feet...
From an English professor - short and to the point
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital...
A Scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing'.
We've just got one...
It would seem that even though his site might be under more scrutiny it has been a successful launch albeit that the free storage offer is low and his prices for premium accounts relatively high.
...
I am restricted to having an indoor aerial and if space is limited this one is excellent. Philex SLX Gold digiTop 27769R.
Been reviewed...
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad....
I was at the swimming pool and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed, he blew his whistle so loud i nearly fell in!
It's my scouse nephew's birthday tomorrow, so as a suprise i've put ?10 in his nan's purse.
I thought my new girlfriend might be 'the one' but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's uniform, a french maid's outfit and a policewomen's uniform i've dumped her. She...
There was no way i could have frozen, drained down the system and replaced a single isolating valve in the 30 mins that the domestic freeze kits state that they last and would have ended up in the...
Sorted. Picked up the water pipe freezing machine this morning from HSS on the Old Kent Road and sorted the two valves out. Pipe (15mm) was frozen in ten minutes and once the system was drained down...
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing...
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Maori led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
...
A man called home to his wife and said, Honey, I have been asked to go
fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends
We'll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to...
A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary
when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I
made a confession:...
A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
...
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen...