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nss1888
08-06-2006, 02:08 PM
hey folks,

everyone has their favourite one liner, Homer has had thousands alone..

But heres's a couple to kick you all off....

Homer: let the Bears pay the Bear tax. I pay the Homer tax
Lisa: You pay the Home Owner tax.


Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.


Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such

Hunter
08-06-2006, 04:48 PM
a blonde walks into a bar !

wedgie
08-06-2006, 09:15 PM
oh that hurt

jay
09-06-2006, 11:02 AM
Fry: "what if the secret ingriedient is people"

Leela: "they already have that, it's called soilent cola"

Fry: "how is it?"

Leela: "it varies from person to person"

jay
09-06-2006, 11:09 AM
RED DWARF

Casandra: "he dies aged 183 trying to remove a bra with his teeth"

Lister: "what did you ask her?"

Rimmer : "I just asked how you'll die"

Lister: " I didn't want to know that" "still it's a hell of a sexy way to go"

Rimmer: "as long as the teeth are in your mouth at the time!"

Lister: "who's bra was it?"

Cat: "183...probably your own"

Reddevil
09-06-2006, 11:15 AM
of course you realise this means war..

Bugs Bunny...wassup doc

merlyn2010uk
15-06-2006, 02:25 PM
Original Hitch hikers guide to the galaxy!

ford an aurthor are in the pub after consuming 4 pints each and buying peanuts. (mean while ford is telling him that the earth is about to be destroyed and he comes from beatlejuice!)

aurthur says: it must be thursday, i never could get the hang of thursdays!

Not_much_cop
15-08-2006, 08:50 PM
One of mine has to be from Kevin Bl**dy Wilson,

DILLIGAF = Do I Look Like I Give A Feck

marvintherobot
15-08-2006, 09:00 PM
A man who laughs at defeat is a black chiropodist with a sence of humour.

porridge the movie

digibloke
16-08-2006, 11:17 AM
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Uncle Phil: Man changed my life. And you know how he did? He challenged me.
Will: To what, a pie eatin' contest?

:)

Haladini
16-08-2006, 12:01 PM
Planes, Trains & Automobiles:

The guys have spent a night in a one bed motel room -


'Where are your hands?'

"Between 2 pillows"

'They're not pillows!'


'AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!' - "AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Shipoftheline
16-08-2006, 12:19 PM
Kryten, Rimmer & Lister

"Is it just me, or is that cockroach shuffling too loudly?"
"Kryten, it's called a hangover. Don't panic."
"On a mining ship, 3 million years into deep space, can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?"


Rimmer & Kryten

"Step up to red alert. "
"Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."

rot
16-08-2006, 05:23 PM
2 men walk into a bar

the 3rd man ducks

rot
16-08-2006, 05:35 PM
"Is it true when you were born the doctor turned round and slapped your mother"

from the adventures of priscilla queen of the desert

rot
16-08-2006, 05:40 PM
woody allen:

its not that I'm afraid to die, its just I dont want to be there when it happens

nss1888
17-08-2006, 08:30 AM
woody allen:
its not that I'm afraid to die, its just I dont want to be there when it happens

lol another Woody Allen classic was: (talking about a taxi ride home with a date)

My god she was so beautiful I could barely keep my eyes on the meter

DAVEJMAG
17-08-2006, 01:23 PM
Comic at this years Edinburgh festival,

"People said Mel Gibson wouldnt be able to portray a Scots man for his role in Braveheart,but look at him now,hes an alcoholic and a racist and hes not even acting".

smooth_cruz_khan
17-08-2006, 11:39 PM
classic:
robo cop.

ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLER!!!!

Or even one fro star wars (dont raly rem it but it should ring a few bells)
star wars epsode 4
obi 1 konabi says to luke.

Who is more foolish the fool or the one following the foolish?

kevmac
30-08-2006, 10:12 PM
one of my favourites is from The Green Mile, when asking if his wife was pleased when John Coffey "fixed" his urinary infection,, he replied Yes several times

wob345
05-09-2006, 08:43 AM
"Don't tell him your name, Pike!"

stargazer
05-09-2006, 10:31 AM
Family Guy: they were out on a boat and the guy in the wheelchair fell in, conversation between peter and lois:

wheelchair mans wife: oh my god someone save him, please someone help
Peter: ahh he's not kicking, come on Kick Kick Kick
Lois: Peter he is paraplegic
Peter: yeah - that does't make him deaf: Come on KICK KICK KICK

redbarony
07-09-2006, 07:40 PM
any of the below make me chuckle

Flashheart from Blackadder

I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants! (Blackadder 2)

Where haven't I been? (Blackadder 2)

Hey Melchie! Still worshipping God? Last time I heard, he was worshipping me! (Blackadder 2)

I like it firm and fruity. (Blackadder 2)

She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils. (Blackadder 2)

WOOF WOOF! (Blackadder 4)

Treat your kite like you treat your woman... Get inside her five times a day and take her to Heaven and back. (Blackadder 4)

Well, well, well, if it isn't captain slackbladder. Couldn't resist, eh? Told you you thought I was great! (Blackadder 4)

Hey! Any girl who wants to chain herself to may railing and suffer a jet movement gets my vote! (Blackadder 4)

That's how I like my girls...straight and to my point. (Blackadder 4)

Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't like them on my conscience. Not when they ought to be on my face! (Blackadder 4)

Enter the man who wears no underwear, ask me why! (why do wear no underwear lord flash?) Because the pants havn't been built yet that can take the job on! (Blackadder 4)

Bring me Melchett's driver Parkhurst, she's used to hanging around with a big knob, so she'll be used to a fellow like me! (Blackadder 4)

Gosh potatoes George, you said noble brother fliers were in the lurch. If I'd have known it was captain slack bladder and the mound of the hound of the baskervilles, I'd have let them stew in their own juice. And let mw tell you if I ever did that, I'd probably drown! (Blackadder 4)

Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it. (Blackadder 4)

Hey girls, look at my machinery! (Blackadder 4)

stickywicket
07-09-2006, 09:07 PM
roy chubby brown: found this girl tied to the railroad the other day, took her home, scuttled her up the front took her from the back.....
Friend: did you get a blowjob?
Chubby: no m8, couldnt find her head.

ahart10
08-09-2006, 12:37 PM
The only thing I know about Africa is that it's far, far away. About a thirty-five hour flight. The boat ride's so long, there are still slaves on their way here.
Chris Rock is a genius

I'm not homophobic, I'm not scared of my house

jimbob
13-09-2006, 12:42 PM
Family Guy: -

Peter Griffin: You better watch who your calling a child Lois, because if I'm a child you know what that makes you? A Paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert!

Simpsons: -

Homer Simpson: I wish god was alive to see this.


Frank Sinatra:

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day

donsmooth
05-11-2006, 05:53 PM
My favourite Zapp Brannigan quotes:
"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."
"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?"
"You win again, gravity!"

nexatron
14-11-2006, 09:22 PM
"To know that one knows what one knows, and to know that one doesn't know what one doesn't know, there lies true wisdom."

-- Confucius